One of my favorite things about living in Missouri is the enchanting change of the seasons. My first apartment here had a tree outside the kitchen window and I remember marveling at the buds as they formed in Spring from a tree that looked like it had been dead for months. It was magical. The pink, purple and white blooms on trees all over town turned to green too soon. And autumn, oh autumn. Gorgeous red, yellow, orange, browns...and everything in between makes the drive to Lebanon, MO to see the family such a treat. Winds blow in with wintery mixes in December and I can't help but lose my breath when I see the intricate beauty of a single snow flake...(which is taking forever this year, but I am not complaining. Anticipation of a short winter is A-ok with me.)
With each shift of seasons, something is dying and something is coming alive. It's miraculous.
I like change in my life too...and often seek it out or create it. My bedroom or living room gets rearranged at least once a year, I welcome new friendships, I move, embrace new job opportunities, get a dog, accept invitations to new social/networking groups, go back to school, start new business ventures. I like change.
However, (aka but), as I sit in this current season where the changes taking place have a lot of uncertainty attached, I am, well, not enjoying it so much. There are changes taking in place in my family, some tangible and some intangible. My parents are moving here soon, but not sure when exactly. My niece just got married. For the first time in my life, I am not spending Christmas Eve with my family. There are just shifts taking place that I can't put my finger on. I recently had an ugly end to a 13 year friendship and another friend was diagnosed with cancer last week. My dear friend is struggling to get custody of his daughters in a seemingly impossible situation. A co-worker who's been an incredible daily encourager has moved on to another job. There are things in flux, uncertain and totally out of my control. And underneath it all, I tend to get a bit melancholy/depressed this time of year. Sometimes it makes my heart ache because I just want people and relationships to be okay, but the truth is they are not always okay...and that's okay. That's life.
I remind myself that I have the gift of self control and that my thoughts and feelings can be carelessly given to the Lord, because He is faithful. But still I struggle to keep my emotional footing and to live out of the love I've been generously given instead of what feels like desperation. I know, I think too much and over analyze. So letting go of my thoughts is a struggle.
Interestingly enough, I "know" that all of life is out of my control, even when things seem cool. Sometimes, that truth is just more obvious than others, and this is one of those times. I don't know what the next season of my life will hold. Something is dying but something is coming alive. Through my uncertainty there is an opportunity for God to make his faithfulness and power ever so obvious.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 (Amplified Bible)
Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation! The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!
My hope is that through seasons of change, I grow in patience as I endure the pruning of Autumn, more robust & strong like the tree that weathers through Winter, and in freedom to celebrate the beauty of life like the blooms of Spring. And Summer, everybody loves Summer! Somebody get me to the beach!
Ahhh, what a lovely blog, Nattles! Great post. Love and prayers from the High Desert. :)
ReplyDelete